Me Without You Read online

  “I’ve already got his getaway car ready and waiting, just in case.”

  Her eyes widen before she catches my playful tone and punches my shoulder, harder this time.

  “Ouch.” I chuckle, rubbing my shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure the groom’s feet are on fire. We’ve already had our groom-best man chat. He’s fine.”

  She snorts doubtingly, but I know it’s only out of habit. Ever since Dean sold his garage to buy Sawyer Sprinkles, Alix’s view of him has changed. She just refuses to admit it out loud.

  “Well, I have a bride to attend to,” she says. “We’ve got a wedding to start in an hour. If you’ll excuse me.”

  I’m standing right in her pathway. Moving would be the polite thing to do, but getting a rise out of her is more fun. “I’ll move if you promise to save me a few dances tonight.”

  “I can always make you move, Ballard. I have no qualms with using force.”

  “Going to use that perfect opportunity already? Seems such a waste.” I shake my head, unable to disguise my enjoyment as she contemplates her next move.

  Alix straightens her spine, standing a little taller. Her feisty confidence keeps me coming back for more. “One,” she enunciates. “One dance.” She even holds up her index finger for emphasis. Her cute little index finger. “That’s it. Take it or leave it.”

  “I’ll take it.” I hold out my hand to shake on it. She looks at my hand like it’s a bug to be squashed, but takes it and firmly shakes, as if to prove her strength. Her lips quirk up in a small smile, but it disappears faster than I’m ready. She lifts her perfectly green eyes to meet mine. Seconds pass, but she doesn’t let go. I refuse to be the one to let go first.

  She blinks and snatches her hand back when she notices how long we’ve been touching. “All right, Ballard. You got what you came here for. Will you step aside now?”

  Stepping out of her way, I keep my eyes focused on her. I take hold of her arm as she passes and whisper into the hair covering her ear. “That’s far from what I came here for, but I’ll accept it for now.”

  Her breath hitches, and she shoves me as she storms away. I can’t hold back my laughter. She makes it too easy to mess with her.

  ***

  I lift my suit sleeve back to look at my watch. 5:15. Fifteen minutes after we were supposed to begin. Everyone is seated and waiting for this shindig. Weddings apparently never start on time, so Alix and Sawyer will probably take another fifteen minutes before they walk down the stairs. I’m waiting inside the back French doors for Alix, so we can walk down the aisle together.

  “These heels are going to be the death of me,” I hear Sawyer say. I peer up and see her tightly clutching the railing, watching her step down the staircase.

  “But they complete the ensemble, Sawyer. They’re perfect. When the dancing begins you can take them off.”

  “I know you’re right. Doesn’t mean I hate them any less.”

  Sawyer looks up when she reaches the bottom. When Dean sees her he’s not going to be able to form words. And he most definitely won’t want to stay here for the rest of the night. I wouldn’t be surprised if he threw her over his shoulder and ran off with her before they can even say “I do.”

  Sawyer smiles brightly at me when she rounds the banister. “Aiden, look how nicely you clean up.”

  “Hey there, gorgeous.” I walk over and kiss her cheek.

  “You better not let Dean catch you doing that,” she jokes.

  I shrug and wink. “He knows I’ve got my sights set on someone else.” I think about looking to Alix, but while it’s fun to make her squirm, it’s so much more fun to let her wonder. “You ready?”

  Alix helps to pull Sawyer’s veil over her face. “More than,” Sawyer says from behind the netting. Her dad comes up beside her, and she takes his arm.

  Alix walks with purpose toward me, and it stops me for a moment. Her straight-laced, no nonsense vibes radiate. Though that’s one of the things I like most about Alix, I want nothing more than to fluster her enough to make her forget her own name.

  “Whatever you’re thinking, Ballard, stop,” Alix says, walking past me to the back door. “And pick your mouth up off the floor.”

  ALIX

  I SMIRK AS soon as my back is to Aiden. He makes it too easy. He comes up beside me, and we wait behind the gathering for the music to fill the air.

  “You can pretend you don’t like me thinking about you, but we both know that’s a lie.”

  Aiden lifts a suggestive eyebrow and holds out his elbow for me to accept. His short blond hair is styled in a perfect pompadour. I let my eyes wander for a moment, appreciating the view, but not so long that he knows what I’m doing.

  It takes everything in me to keep from chuckling, but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. I want to keep my distance. He has to stay where he is.

  The music flows from the speakers, and we take our first steps into the backyard. Dean stands in his black suit at the end of the aisle with one hand clasping his other wrist in front of him. He trimmed his hair so it doesn’t hang in his eyes and combed it to one side, James Dean style. The poor guy looks so nervous, but I can’t blame him. I’d be nervous, too, knowing I was marrying someone so out of my league.

  We make it halfway down the aisle when Aiden whispers, “You know, this could be us someday.”

  “In your dreams.” Had it been any other guy and I’d been any other girl, I might have swooned at the comment. Okay. So, I swooned a little bit.

  But only a little.

  Or maybe a lot.

  His throaty chuckle makes me want to elbow him, but I hold back. For Sawyer. I don’t want to create a spectacle. “Every night,” he murmurs close to my ear.

  My heart flutters, but I break off its wings and keep my controlled, amiable smile for the crowd. “Can you hold the smart aleck comments for two seconds while we walk down the aisle?”

  “What’s the fun in that?”

  My peony bouquet nearly goes flying at his face, but, lucky for him, we reach the end of the aisle. He leans closer, his lips practically tracing my ear. “I’ll meet you on the dance floor.”

  “If you’re lucky,” I mutter and suppress the shiver down my spine. I will not let him affect me. I will not let him affect me. I will not let Aiden Freaking Ballard affect me.

  Once Aiden and I are settled in our spots, the music changes. Sawyer appears at the back of the aisle with her dad. Her long, brown hair is pulled up in a sophisticated updo under her chin-length veil. As her eyes rise and meet Dean’s, I see more than happiness or excitement; I see fulfillment, as if everything in her life has finally fallen into place. She carefully walks her pale pink peep-toe heels down the aisle, her short ‘50s style dress swooshing against her calves with her eyes set on Dean. They never waver.

  Of course, I’ve had my doubts about Dean Preston, and I’ve always been frank about them, but their love is real. I can’t deny that now. Up until this morning I had my reservations after everything he’s put her through. But in this moment, watching Dean look at her as she walks down the aisle, I know they deserve this more than anyone. After everything they’ve been put through, they finally found their way back to each other. No man has ever looked at a woman with more love and adoration.

  When Sawyer reaches the end, she hands me her blush peony bouquet and turns to face Dean. The pastor begins by greeting everyone this beautiful evening.

  During the ceremony I make the mistake of looking from Dean to Aiden. He’s already watching me, and when my eyes meet his baby blues he winks. I will not react. I will not react. I. Will. Not. React. Winking is so cliché and arrogant and hot. Gosh dangit, it’s so hot when he does it.

  I focus back on the happy couple.

  Since he cornered me in the backyard, I’ve been racking my brain as to why he hasn’t confronted me about the neurologist’s office. Granted, it’s neither the time nor the place. If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t ask. But he’s had every
opportunity to say something, and he hasn’t. He’s probably waiting for the perfect, most vulnerable moment.

  Sawyer and Dean say, “I do.” Then Dean takes the edge of the tulle veil at her chin and pushes it back. I hear Sawyer giggle as they exchange a couple quiet words before they kiss as husband and wife.

  Marriage stopped being something I believed in when Phil left us. If it’s such a sacred union, how could so many be willing to toss it away? How could he toss it away? Watching Sawyer and Dean seal their fate, I feel equal parts pity and envy. They may end up sorry suckers a few years down the road, or they could be two of the lucky ones. The uncertainty of that outcome is only a reminder to me that this will never be my fate. I can’t afford to take that gamble. I’ll never let it be me. I’ll never trust anyone enough.

  At every turn throughout the night, I avoid as much small talk as I can with people I haven’t spoken to in years. Small talk leads to questions about my life. It leads to… I haven’t seen your mom lately. How is she? Why isn’t she here tonight? I try to keep myself busy with making sure everything goes smoothly, even avoiding the girls from high school and Aiden. Especially Aiden.

  I’m able to evade almost everyone until the DJ announces the bouquet toss. “Okay, all you singles ladies; get on the dance floor. The new Mrs. Sawyer Preston is about to toss her bouquet!”

  Inching slowly to the back door, I nearly make it inside the house when someone grabs my arm. “Oh, no you don’t,” Aiden says. I don’t have to see him to recognize his voice. “Get out there and humiliate yourself like everyone else.”

  “Nope.” I attempt to pull my arm away and stretch my other arm out to grab hold of the doorframe for leverage. I make contact. My fingertips grip the frame, but Aiden pulls harder and wraps his arm securely around my waist. Strength is on his side. My fingers slip.

  “Yup,” he insists, picking me up and directing me to the backyard. I kick my legs out, but it makes no difference. “She’s your best friend. And you’re going to get out there to support her because she would do the same for you.” He sets me down, but keeps his arms around me.

  “Dangit, Ballard!” I hiss, struggling to get away. He moves his hands to my shoulders and pushes me onto the dance floor. He’s got more strength than I’ve given him credit for. There’s no way he was that strong in high school.

  I scowl at him as he backs away with his huge, goofy grin. All of my unmarried high school girl friends are bouncing and playfully elbowing each other. I try to make myself as invisible as possible. Sawyer watches us and laughs. When she sees me hiding in the back, we share a look that tells me she’ll try not to toss it to me, and I thank her with my eyes.

  Lucky for me, I don’t need to try to avoid the bouquet because Janna Houston jumps up like Michael Jordan and dives for it. When it hits her fingertips she drops to the floor and pounces on it like a cat on a mouse. The others all fall on top of her, but she emerges, holding the bouquet high in the air. Cheers and laughter erupt from the crowd as they find amusement in our desperation to be “the next bride.” Good grief.

  I escape the brawl to stand by Aiden, folding my arms in open defiance. “You’re going to pay for that.”

  “I hope so.” He lets his arm graze mine, and I tense from his touch. He’s only taken off his suit coat. We’re not even skin-to-skin and my arm breaks out in goose bumps.

  When the garter toss becomes the main event, all the guys from the shop circle the floor. Aiden turns out to be just like Janna, bolting in the air for the garter when Dean tosses it. He snatches it before any of the other guys even know what happened. He slips it onto his arm and tightens it around his bicep, wearing it like a badge of honor as he approaches me at the edge of the dance floor.

  “And that’s how it’s done,” he says with a satisfied nod.

  “Thank you for the tutorial,” I reply dryly. “I’m sorry I didn’t take lessons from you first.”

  “I think it would have been beneficial for you,” he says. “You have horrible reflexes. It was almost as if you didn’t want to catch that bouquet.”

  “I can’t believe I was so transparent,” I say sarcastically.

  The DJ cues the music—something fast paced and dance-worthy. Aiden loosens his tie and rolls up his white shirtsleeves. His tattoo sleeve peeks out on his forearm, making me think things I shouldn’t be thinking.

  “I believe you promised me a few dances, Miss Fink.” Aiden holds out his hand, waiting for me to take it. “Finky. Miss Finky.”

  I break eye contact with his tattoos and look up. “What are you doing?”

  He laughs. “Your name is fun to mess around with.”

  I bite down on my smile. “I agreed to one dance, Mr. Ballard. You ready to give it up now?”

  “You’ll make an exception for more.” His voice is laced with confidence.

  Maybe it’s the wedding ambiance with the big, white Chinese lanterns shining above us or the glass of champagne I had a few minutes ago; or maybe it’s simply the fact that for tonight I want to forget all of my grown up responsibilities and be twenty-six for once. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

  “Is that all I have to do? I should try it more often.”

  I take his hand and maneuver through the crowd to the middle where I see Sawyer grab Dean’s skinny black tie, pulling him onto the dance floor. He smirks as he goes, and, though I know there’s no way he wants to be on that dance floor, he goes willingly for her. When she lets go, he rolls up his shirtsleeves, bobbing with the music. The crowd slowly starts cheering them on as Sawyer and Dean dance it out on the floor in the center of it all. They’ve never looked more carefree.

  Aiden’s right hand finds a place on my waist, his thumb grazing the base of my rib cage. He pulls me so close I have a hard time finding oxygen. All I breathe is Aiden. His hand is our only point of contact, but as close as we are, I feel him all over. He’s in my knees and my stomach and my mind and my heart, and if I were to give in to him now, he’d hold all the control. Swallowing back my nerves, I raise my arms in the air and try not to focus on the proximity of his body as I get lost in the music.

  When the song eases into a slow one, I step back, needing space. Can’t he see I’m suffocating? And, somehow, in the most pleasantly excruciating way possible. Aiden grabs my hand and pulls me back flush against him, wrapping his arm firmly around my waist and holding our clasping hands to the side. We rock gently from side to side.

  “You don’t think I’m going to let you get away that easy, now do you?” he breathes into my ear.

  I suppress another shiver and surrender to a slow, satisfying death. My body doesn’t give me another choice.

  AIDEN

  ALIX HAS NEVER looked more beautiful than she does tonight. It’s painful. I never knew beauty could hurt, but it does. Somehow it does. She should be mine, but she’s not.

  This might actually be the first time I’ve ever seen her let loose since high school. Or maybe since Dallas’s. Over the last couple years I’ve watched her grow more and more distant. This refreshing Alix is one I want to keep for as long as I can because I know it’ll only last for tonight. Tomorrow she’ll go back to pretending she can’t stand me, and I’ll pretend I’m okay with that.

  “Don’t get any ideas, Ballard,” she warns.

  “I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re insinuating,” I say, attempting to hold back a smile. She’s cracking, slowly letting the pieces of her walls collapse. I don’t want to push too hard—just enough to give her a glimpse of what we could be. How good we could be together.

  “We’re just dancing,” Alix asserts. “Don’t take this as a sign that I’m about to fall passionately into bed with you. That’s never going to happen.”

  A laugh escapes, but I rein it in. “I’m appalled that you would think me so one-dimensional,” I feign offense, pulling back. “I wouldn’t dare.” But seriously. I wouldn’t dare.

  She smiles freely and rolls her eyes. If that smile is all I get from her
tonight, I’ll die a happy man.

  More glasses of champagne come by and she grabs one. I pass.

  “I don’t know about you, but I can’t handle weddings. This helps.” She knocks back the entire glass, and the gentleman in me worries a little bit. How many of those has she had?

  “What have weddings ever done to you?” I take the empty glass, placing it on a tray as the cater waiter walks by again. I pull her close again.

  “Destroyed my belief in love.”

  Her honesty cuts. I try not to laugh, seeing as it’s not funny. “That’s dark.”

  “It’s the truth.”

  “I think maybe someday you’ll change your mind.”

  “No one will ever make me change my mind.”

  A mischievous grin forms on my face. Challenge accepted. “You really shouldn’t have said that.”

  ALIX

  SOMETHING IS OFF when I wake up. Little people crawled into my head and used my brain as a trampoline, then swam down into my stomach and decided to have a relay in the fluids. Fluids. Gosh, I really have to pee. But it’s not just the way I feel that leads me to believe something is off. There’s a warm body pressed against mine. My eyes shoot open. A masculine arm rests across my waist, securely holding me against his figure. I’m too scared to turn and see who it could be. There shouldn’t be anyone in my bed besides me.

  I shift my eyes around the room—too nervous to move more than my eyes so as to not wake whomever is behind me. Whose freaking bedroom is this? There isn’t much on the gray walls aside from a wide screen TV.

  I try to remember the night before. Who I was with. What I did. I remember it was Sawyer and Dean’s wedding. The champagne was flowing. There was dancing. And there was… Aiden Freaking Ballard. I guarantee that’s his real middle name.